hpk.co.in - humor

Area Man Denied Gym Membership

hpk — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 13:34:00 +0000

Area Man Denied Gym Membership, originally uploaded by hpk.

According to latest reports area man Jamil Ahmed (name changed) was denied membership to the local gym (name with held). Jamil accused that he was asked to produce recommendations from a respected member of the society before he would be allowed to pump iron along with the local hunks. Things grew ugly when Jamil, who is an actor by profession and has been a resident of the society (name withheld) since birth, was again denied membership when he produced verbal recommendation from a respected member of the society. Jamil was asked by Gokul das, gym proprietor, to get written recommendation from a respectable member of the society. Anahita, a budding actress and a regular member of the gym, testified “I don’t know what the fuss is about, Gokul uncle was so nice with me, no really”. Another member, only identified as aunty lobo, said, “I’ve know Jamil since he was a kid. He’s as ordinary as they come. No idea why they don’t want him there.”

However, Unmesh shukla, another society resident questioned Jamil’s sudden interest in the gym. He said, “I’ve seen the boy since he was a kid, he never showed any interest in body building activities, but off late, he’s been coming late at night, dressing up, and acting all religious and stuff. This is not normal behavior and we must investigate.”

Society chairman, Mr. Bansal Suri, categorically denied the rumors that Jamil’s tenant agreement would be revoked and said, “So far we have no reasons to ask Jamil to leave the society. The gyms decision while unfortunate must be looked into in its entirety. After all, they must have has a reason to deny membership.”

Gym authorities were unavailable for comment when contacted.

Indecent Proposal

hpk — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 20:14:24 +0000

Now thats the kind of dad I'd love to have as my girlfriend's father! Though I wonder what would our cultural guardians think if this ad were to be show on Indian tv channels. The last time I heard, they were after some vibrating condoms which they believe is a sex toy and it is against Indian culture to have sex for pleasure. Guess thats the reason we have a billion people in India. The guy would be like... "Darn its against our culture to fuck for fun, can't not fuck so might as well make a baby and god would be happy too. Bonus!"

Had I been the health minister, I'd rather promote use of condoms any which way possible. But I am not. Hence I shut up and go buy some of those Crezendo's before they put a ban on it.

Note: Health minister has taken a stand on vibrating condoms. He's all for them.

Company for Company...

hpk — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 13:16:17 +0000

I met a man, a very old man
He told me his plan to start a company
I asked why
Why don’t you just have fun and die
You’ve worked hard now go be the family bard
He said it’s too hard
I am sad and lonely and want company only
When I was young I made a journey
A very long journey
It has lasted so long it took me away from my own
Now I wear a white collar
And swear by the dollar
America has made me stand taller
I tasted the Apple then fell from the grace

My family is sad
I don’t love my wife
My kid is a moron I ruined his life
He's between fiction and facts but no poetry
I've made him sterile, just like me

I hate my people and make them feel bad
I tell them tall stories
Make them dream of unachievable glory
I confess I’m vicious, very very vicious
This habit of mine has taken its toll
I have a lot of money but no friends at all
But in my own country I can buy company

So here is my plan
I will start a company
Hire young people
And tell them my jokes
If they don’t lie
I will show them the door

I said best wishes but no company works like that
The old man got serious and said my dear lad
Who cares about the company as long as I have company
If it works nice else it’s still a beautiful compromise

So he had no company.

Ice Maiden v/s Hot Cup Cake

hpk — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 16:58:49 +0000

Photo by: Plinge

So the other day I was chatting with a friend of mine who calls herself, "Ice Maiden", because she thinks she's cold etc... as if every one is dripping with warmth etc... Duh!

So anyway, while talking to her I thought, given the choice, who would I try to kiss... Ice Maiden's or Hot Cup Cake's of the world? For me the choice is obvious. I'd prefer taking my chances with an Ice Maiden rather then a "hot cup cake" babe. With Ice maiden I'd get an ice cold stare, at most, but there is more then a slim chance that a "hot cup cake" would offer a red hot slap.

Now did I fail to mention I have a pathetic record picking out Ice Maiden's from Hot Cup cakes... :(

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Why he never went to Page 3 parties...

hpk — Mon, 21 May 2007 14:09:28 +0000

For the lack of social skills he preferred sitting in front of his computer, surfing porn, sulking and trolling slashdot , his superior codeing skills and latest gadgets defined his self esteem..., most of his friends were just like him and his biggest regret in life was that affair he had with the girl in his computer coaching. He had taught her so much, did her assignments, gave her gifts, though of making love to her some day, felt guilty for thinking of her naked body. Yeah he was in love alright. But suddenly one day, as usual, she closed the door on him, since all men are created equal, she chose to marry the richer one. That was 10 years ago, he still hasn't forgotten her smile, her smell, the warmth of the seat where she had just sat, the softness of her skin which he never touched.

Since then, he hates all the women. And hates them more for ignoring him, laughing at him, and even making fun of his superior coding skills! Bitches. Long ago, he experienced a surge in female attention when he bought the new iPod . But that was short lived. However, now he is addicted to those attention surges and craves for any new gadget that the market pukes out.

The other day I asked him to come to a party with me, "Fucking page 3 parties, raands getting drunk and fucking around. Mujhe nahin aana hai... its against Indian culture", he said. I told him its a private party. "Private ho ya public, mujhe nahin aana, I don't like dancing and I don't know any one and I don't want to know any one, and I am happy single".

Whatever.